


Honeymoon Havoc

by sorcererofsupremepizza



Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:06:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4823213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorcererofsupremepizza/pseuds/sorcererofsupremepizza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is tired of working and wants a vacation, only he has an excellent idea to go along with it. And he wants Nat to accompany him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeymoon Havoc

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all. Been awhile since I posted anything, so here you go. Inspired by a friend's idea and my own crazy thought processes. I own nothing. If I did, I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction. Just kidding, yeah I would. Enjoy!

Honeymoon Havoc

“Natasha! Boy, have I got the perfect idea for you!” Clint “Hawkeye” Barton nearly tore the door of her room off its hinges in his excitement, the wooden panel flying back against the wall with a thud that reverberated throughout the adjacent rooms. 

Natasha was nowhere to be found in the room, and it concerned Clint. “Natasha?” He crossed the threshold, setting down his black suitcase and peering about the surroundings. 

Oddly enough, this was the first time Clint had ever actually been in the Widow’s room, so as he surveyed the place, he couldn’t help but smile. He knew Natasha better than anyone, but even he was surprised by what he was seeing. 

His observation was short-lived however, as the door slammed shut, with him standing right in front of it. Clint leapt out of the way just in time, and Natasha was upon him in an instant, grabbing him and twisting his arm behind his back. Clint quickly recoiled and broke free, but Romanoff jabbed toward his chest and knocked him down. Clint, winded, smirked as he sat there collecting himself. 

“What are you doing in my room, Clint? And why on earth are you wearing that hideous shirt?” Natasha stood over him, her loose red shirt hanging over her black leggings. She wore no shoes. She’d just finished a training session with Wanda, and wanted nothing more than to relax until the next meeting. 

Clint smiled at her. “What, this?” He gestured to the tropical patterned, short-sleeved shirt the he wore, the fabric brushing against his fingers as he did so. The shirt itself was purple, which didn’t surprise the female assassin in the slightest, but the floral pattern did not suit Barton. At all. “It’s just a little something. I’ve got an idea, Nat.” 

“Your ideas are never good ones, Barton.” 

Barton feigned hurt, clutching his chest in a completely melodramatic fashion. “You know, I thought we were best friends, but the way you go on about me-” 

Natasha slugged his arm before he could finish. “Get on with it, Clint. Rogers wants us in the debriefing room in ten minutes.” 

“Ugh, he can wait.” 

“I would not advise saying that in front of him.” 

Barton smirked at her. “Right, like the old man scares me. I actually beat him at Frisbee the other day. Odd, considering that’s all he does when he fights. Basically.” 

“Basically.” Natasha parroted, deadpan. Clint laughed softly. 

“Anyway, we’ve been working our asses off lately, so I thought we should take a little vacation.”

Words could not describe the total lack of reaction from the Black Widow. 

“Tasha?”

“Clint, we can’t just skip out on the next mission. Vision says it could be important.” 

Clint scoffed and waved a dismissive hand. “Bah, the Vision says everything is important. This is just a routine drill. Fury’s orders, so I’m thinking about skipping out. Just for a few days. Come on, Nat.” 

“Hawk, you’ve got to realize how bad an idea this is. We are part of the Avengers, after all. We are constantly on call, no matter what.” Natasha said, flopping down on the red sofa shoved against the wall by the bed. She grabbed a television remote, flipping it on to the most recent romantic comedy she’d started. 

“You haven’t heard the rest of the idea, and how brilliant it is, Nat!” 

Natasha blinked, slowly craning her head to look up at him. 

Clint grinned at her, but didn’t say anything right away. Rather, he just dove onto the couch beside her, sticking his feet in her lap with a smirk. Natasha ignored him completely, but fought to hide a smile. 

“Right, Nat, prepare to have your mind blown.” Clint did an accompanying gesture of his head exploding, complete with sound effects and everything. Natasha half-wished the whole action had actually happened at this point. Clint continued, “So, you know how stuff costs way too much damn money?”

Natasha barely acknowledged him, inclining her head ever so slightly as she watched the movie. Clint hurriedly continued, “Well, couples that are on their honeymoon get tons of free shit, right?”

Natasha paused the film and sat there silently, unmoving. She glanced at the feet on her lap, then to their owner. “Clint… no. No way.” 

“You haven’t even heard my idea yet!” Barton exclaimed. Nat shoved his feet off her lap and stood up. 

“I don’t need to. It’s a terrible idea.” 

“Natasha! Come on!” Clint grabbed her wrist as she stood up. It was a mistake. Natasha then grabbed his and hauled him straight to the floor, falling on his face. 

“Are you done?” Natasha asked, still trying to hide a smile. Clint growled and stood up, dusting off his already immaculate tropical shirt. 

“Just hear me out. This is a perfect scheme.” 

“You have five seconds.” 

Barton sat back down, hauling Natasha with him. He grabbed the remote from her, so she couldn’t play the movie. “Only five?”

“Now it’s three.” 

“Natasha!” 

For the first time, the assassin laughed. Clint shook his head, stretching his arm across the back of the couch. The loose-flowing tropical shirt billowed across his arm. Not to mention it was a couple of sizes too big for him. The shop didn’t have many options for tropical shirts, and like the dramatic idiot he was, Clint had to have it. 

“So we go to various places, pretending to be together. People notice. They’re all happy because they see the adorable and happy couple, because face it, we are both fucking adorable-”

Clint didn’t notice how much Natasha blushed at the statement, and he just carried on. “-so when they see us, they can’t help but give us a bunch of free stuff! Drinks, parties, the whole works. I bet you we can get this whole vacation cheaper than you’d ever imagined. We just have to pretend to be newlyweds. Before you say no, as you no doubt will, just think about how annoying this week’s drill will be with Tony and Steve constantly bickering about who is in control. I mean, they are always like that, but you’ve seen how bad it has been lately. They are always at each other’s throats. So, what say you, Nat?”

Natasha was silent for several moments. “Let me get packed, you idiot.” 

Clint punched the air in victory and leaped off the couch, proceeding to dance his way across the room to his luggage. “There’s no need. I already packed a bag for both of us.” 

Natasha stared him down. 

“What? It was my turn to do laundry.” Clint shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ve been planning this for a while now, so I covered both of our asses.” 

“So, what’s the plan for now? We just ditch everything now?”

“Absolutely. Follow my lead.” 

“No, Barton. Your lead will most likely result in a fire and Banner Hulking out, destroying the kitchen and half of the training room. Don’t even think about it.” Natasha said, slipping on a pair of shoes. She walked past him, snatching the bag from his grasp without another word. 

Barton followed her down the hallway, his leather sandals thudding against the carpet softly. “Oh come on Natasha! That was one time! And it was totally Tony’s fault!” 

Natasha smirked to herself, keeping silent as she approached the main lounge. The room itself was set lower, so she had to walk down a flight of stairs to get where she wanted to go. Steve and Sam were sitting there, conversing amongst themselves. 

“Hey Romanoff, Barton! Get your asses over here!” Steve called, gesturing the assassin and the archer over to join the conversation. 

Natasha wasn’t actually angry, but she pretended to be annoyed, playing them like a fiddle. “What, Rogers? Fury gave me an assignment. I’ve got to leave for the rest of the afternoon. Barton too.” 

“I was unaware.” Steve said, getting to his feet. He held a bag of Doritos in his hand, snacking on them as he did. 

“You aren’t in charge of all of us during down time, Steve. So kindly stay the hell out of my business.” Tasha said coldly, just daring the Star-Spangled Man to push her further. 

Rogers raised an eyebrow. “Well alright then. Fury did tell me to run the damn practice drills, though. It’s odd that he’s pulling you two out.” 

Natasha was about to reply, but Clint slid down the railing and ended up beside her. “Oh chill out, old man. I know you’re eagerly waiting to get beat at your own game, again, but we’ve got to follow orders from on high.” 

Rogers inhaled, as if to speak. 

“Higher than you.” 

Steve shut his mouth. “I seriously live with actual fucking children. Sam, let’s go. Tasha, Clint, don’t break anything.” And he walked off without another word, giving off the aura of a crotchety old man whose lawn has just been invaded by children. Only it was his entire life. 

Barton couldn’t help shouting “Language!” at the receding figure. 

He never had this problem in the 1940s. A sigh escaped his lips as he walked into the debriefing room to prepare for the meeting. 

“See you guys later.” Wilson said, trailing along after Rogers. 

It was silent in the lounge for a long while, but then Barton whistled. “Damn, that’s a much better plan than mine.” 

Natasha scoffed and walked into the garage. “At least you had brains enough to cover up your ugly ass shirt.” 

Clint walked alongside her, taking the luggage from her hands. “I’m not an idiot. And it’s not an ass shirt. It’s just a shirt.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes and pressed her palm against the glass of one of the SHIELD vehicles, unlocking it. Barton tossed the luggage in the backseat and hopped into the passenger seat. Natasha lithely slid in beside him, glancing over at him. 

“So you said you have this planned. Where are we going?”

“Well, I got us a flight to the Virgin Islands in an hour.” Clint tugged two plane tickets out of his inside jacket pocket. 

“You know, we could make this a lot easier by just taking a Quinjet.” Natasha said, turning to face him. 

“That’s a good point.” Clint said, not letting on how upset he was by the unraveling of his plan. 

“That way we literally don’t pay for anything. Stark does.” 

“Actually…” Barton started, “I stole Steve’s credit card last night. He got with the times and got one, and I figured he owes us. Plus, it’s not like it matters, because we’ll be getting mostly everything for free.” Natasha chuckled softly, legitimately smiling at him. Clint loved seeing this side of Nat. Rarely anyone got to see who she really was. But he did. Always. 

There was no one else he’d rather pretend to be married to. He set the coordinates for their destination and let autopilot do its work. When Nat gave him a questioning look, he just said, “I’m not flying. I’m on my honeymoon.” He chuckled softly and went back to relax on one of the padded couches. Flying had always kind of bugged him, and Nat was the only person who knew. He could hide it well when he was around the other Avengers, but around Nat he didn’t have to conceal his true feelings for being in the air. 

He pressed a panel on the wall nearby, cranking out some heavy metal tunes. “Hey Nat!” 

“Yeah? Are you really going to lay there for a whole 4 hour flight?” Natasha asked, spinning her chair around to face him. Barton rolled over on his stomach, propping his chin on his hands. 

“I don’t know. It’s particularly bothersome today.” He said, not bothering to hide how he really felt. 

“If you were focusing on something it wouldn’t be that bad. So come on, tell me what we’re going to do as a couple.” 

Barton already had plenty of ideas, but those were especially for when they weren’t pretending. Of course, he knew she wouldn’t go along with that actual idea, so he just wanted to spend time with her as best friends. Naturally, they always had been. “Well, I was thinking we could go to a fancy beachside resort and find a nice restaurant to sit down and have dinner.” 

“You do realize you forgot something, right?”

Barton sat up. “No I didn’t. Did I?” 

Natasha laughed. She flipped the plane back to manual control, taking over for him. She took special care to make the hand gestures obvious. Clint scratched his head, unable to come up with what he was missing. Then he caught sight of the over-the-top hand gestures. The rings! Holy shit, how could he have forgotten something so paramount to this whole plan?

God damn it, he thought to himself, this could be over before it has begun. Or was it? He’d let Natasha think that she was right, right up until she would realize that she wasn’t. Clint chuckled to himself, slipped on some headphones, and closed his eyes. 

\-------

“Clint. Hey, Clint.” She nudged him slightly to wake him up. They had just landed.

Nothing. He slept like a log. Natasha sighed, pulling the headphones off his ears and inhaled sharply. “Hey! Moron!” 

Clint jumped, nearly falling off the couch. “Jesus, Nat!” 

The assassin shrugged. “We’re here.” She got to her feet. Clint noticed that she’d changed and smiled to himself. No tight-fitting uniform today. Rather, it was just a pale blue tank top trimmed with lace, a pair of short white shorts, and ankle-high black converse. She completed the look with reflective silver sunglasses and left her hair down. Curled, but down. And she’d been growing it out.

God, Clint thought, she looks beautiful. He immediately shook the thought away and stood up. He suddenly felt less like an idiot in his purple floral shirt and khaki Bermuda shorts. 

“Come on! You dragged me out here! I want my free drinks. And if this doesn’t live up to the hype you’ve given it, I’m telling everyone.” Natasha said, pretending to be overly cheerful. It made Clint very nervous, but he grabbed the bag and they stepped off the plane together. 

“So, you’re saying that if I don’t give you a good vacation, you’re going to tell everyone that we went on a vacation pretending we were married.” Barton let the statement sink in. 

The Black Widow stopped walking, swearing to herself. She said nothing, walking past him. As she did, she grabbed his hand and dragged him along, nearly hauling him off his feet. Barton chuckled softly. “Well, honey, let’s get to the hotel. I’ve got lots of fun stuff planned! But first…” 

Barton pulled out the rings. Sure, they were just cheap rings from a vending machine, but it worked. “Natasha, will you fake marry me so we can get a bunch of free shit?”

Natasha stared at him, glancing at the ring. She snatched it from his hand and walked away, shoving it onto her fingers. Barton laughed, slipping his fake ring on and running to catch up with her. 

\----

“Hi! Welcome to the Bolongo Bay Resort! Did you have a reservation?”

“That I did.” Barton said, setting the luggage down as he approached the front desk. “Clint Barton. And my sweetheart, Natasha!” Hawkeye turned back to Natasha and waggled his eyebrows. “We’re on our honeymoon!” He grabbed her, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek. Natasha smiled ever so slightly, not saying anything. 

“Oh, excellent!” The receptionist typed a few things, then looked up. “Well look at that, we have a honeymoon suite open here. No charge for the happy couple. Just standard rates for you two.” The girl beamed at them. Barton chuckled softly and glanced at Natasha. 

“You hear that, Tasha! A free upgrade!” He stressed the word free as he spoke. Then Barton handed over his credit card, paid, and got two key cards. He passed one to Nat and picked up the luggage. He was about to say something, but Natasha practically threw herself into his arms, throwing her arms around his neck. “Oh! A suite! How exciting!” 

Clint could tell it was all an act, and even still, he totally enjoyed the feeling. Natasha on the other hand had basically decided fuck it, I’m milking this for all it’s worth. 

The room was phenomenal. That was what crossed both of their minds when they opened the double doors. The sea took up the entire window view, the blue water crashing against the white sands. The room itself was pocked with various comfy couches, all white and light gray. The tables and dressers were all dark wood, almost black, and the entire room was fully furnished with fancy decorations. Clint walked through into the bedroom, which contained similar furniture tossing their bag on the huge bed. “Damn, this place is fantastic!” He flopped down on the bed, sinking down into it for a moment. 

Natasha on the other hand, had stepped outside. The windows were actually sliding doors, and they revealed an outside deck with a pool and everything. Even with the ocean right there, they apparently still needed a pool. She stared at the beach, her hands on her hips. “Maybe this was a good idea after all. This place is amazing.” 

She glanced down at her hands, at the fake ring on her finger. Something about seeing that ring on her finger just felt odd, but it also felt right. Even if it only cost a quarter. She shook the thought away. They were here for free stuff. Nothing else. Besides, Barton certainly didn’t feel the same way. Natasha looked at it for a few moments longer before she heard Barton’s voice behind her. He’d stuck his head outside. 

“Hey Nat, I’m thinking about going to the bar. Drinks?”

“Oh hell yes.” Natasha said, forgetting all of the feelings and thoughts she had before. She turned around, grabbing her “husband’s” hand, and they took off for the bar. 

Barton laughed, glad that she was so eager to go along with his ridiculous plan. 

\---

They walked up to the bar, which was already filling up with several difficult people, mostly couples. Clint put an arm around Natasha as they took seats next to each other. Another couple nearby regarded them for a moment and then waved at Natasha. The assassin waved back, then shouted, “Hey bartender! My husband and I are here for our honeymoon! We want the best drinks you have!” 

The bartender, a blonde-haired older man, turned around to face them. His orange and blue floral shirt was an eyesore. “Newlyweds huh? Congratulations!” The man grinned at them, pulled out two drinks mixed in coconuts, complete with tiny umbrellas and all the fixings. “On the house. Well, hut. You know what I mean. You two kids have fun.” He winked at them and cleared away. Natasha scooped up her drink, taking a heavy draught of it. 

“Ah, this is so much better than doing drills with the Captain all damn day.” Barton said as he sat there. He took a sip of the drink, and a wave of euphoria washed over him. It tasted better when it was free, too. 

“First the room, now drinks. What else can we get, do you think?”

Natasha ignored him, having ordered another drink. Whatever it was, they were delicious. “What, did you say something? Come on, honey, let’s have another!” She laughed and pretended to toast him, knocking her “glass” into his and sloshing liquid over the side. Barton chuckled and gladly took up her idea, downing his own drinks. 

Several drinks later, both of them were milking the whole idea, and were now on the dance floor. 

They were secret agents. They could act any part and get away with it. It was another reason the whole thing was just so much damn fun. 

Barton and Romanoff were still dancing, now grinding on each other for added effect. “Hey honey! I’m going to go grab more drinks!” Barton said, clearing off to the bar. As he waited for the drinks to be mixed, a man appeared at the bar beside him. 

“You too, huh?” The man said. When Barton turned to face him, it was none other than Bruce Banner. 

“Banner? What the hell?”

“You really think The Other Guy needs to practice drills? I literally just smash everything. I deserve a break now and then.” Bruce chuckled softly, nursing a cocktail. “So what are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, nothing.” Barton said, wishing the barkeep would hurry the hell up. 

Banner raised an eyebrow. “You’re playing hooky. Relax, we all do it. Rogers did it last week. That so-called mission in California that he had? Yeah, it wasn’t a mission.” 

“That’s not exactly what we’re doing.” Barton said, and before he explained more, the bartender had given him his drinks and he’d cleared off, disappearing into the dancing crowd. He was about to hand a drink to Natasha, but she was dancing with another guy. Barton felt a huge pang of jealousy, and then remembered they weren’t actually together. But he couldn’t help what he did next. 

He stormed over to the two, fuming. “What the hell is going on here! We’ve been married for less than twenty four hours and you’re already grinding with another dude?!” Barton shouted over the music, not caring that the other man was twice his size. 

Natasha turned to face him, playing stupid. “What? Oh! OH! I’m so sorry, honey! I didn’t know that you’d left! I thought it was you!” Of course she had noticed, but she didn’t think Clint would care, considering they weren’t actually a thing. 

“Like hell you did.” Barton growled. The other man, dark-haired with a well-built figure and lean face, finally spoke up. “You left her alone. What the fuck did you expect to happen when she has a body like that?”

Barton really couldn’t help what happened next. He threw a fist at the guy, the loud music still pumping through the speakers. Natasha watched, amazed. Barton had actually believed that? What a fool. She wanted to sock the dickhead too, but she was shocked that Clint had actually stood up for her so quickly. Why would he? She knew he was a friend, but he’d never punched someone for her. He knew she could hold her own. Even still, it was a nice feeling. 

The other man dropped from the one punch, and before he could recover, Barton swept Natasha out of the beachside hut and right down by the water. He led her to a more private area amongst some rocks, where Natasha immediately went ballistic. 

“What the fuck, Barton!” 

“We are here together, you know that right?”

“It’s just a game, Clint. None of it is real.” Natasha said. Barton felt the impact of that comment drop like a stone in his stomach. 

“Oh, right. Yeah. Of course.” Clint shoved his hands into his pockets and walked past her, taking care to ram his shoulder into hers to send her stepping backward. Natasha huffed at him, propped her sunglasses up on her forehead, and stared after him. 

“Clint!”

He just kept walking. What was going on with him? Why was this such a big deal? 

“Barton!” 

Still nothing. Natasha’s mind raced. What was happening here? The last exchanged words raged in her head, Barton’s words rushing through her mind. 

“We are here together, you know that right?”

Oh. OH. God, Natasha had been stupid. She immediately set off after him. 

“Hawkeye! Wait! Please!” 

Clint finally stopped, but he didn’t turn to face her. “You want to be alone. I want to do the same. Go back to grinding on your new friend.” 

“Clint, don’t be like this. I know what I did. I understand why it bothered you so much.” 

“You don’t understand anything, Nat. Least of all that.” Clint kicked the sand slightly, avoiding her gaze. His hands were still shoved in his pockets as he stood there. 

Natasha sighed. “Clint, I understand now that this wasn’t just a game. I get that there was more behind it than that.” 

Hawkeye didn’t say anything for a long while. “That’s just it, it started as just a game, but then I realized that I am sick of waiting. I don’t want to anymore. I constantly worry that one day something is going to happen to you during a fight, that one time a guy is actually going to get a one-up on you, and I don’t know what I would do to myself if I didn’t tell you.” 

“Barton, what the hell?”

Clint walked over to her and took her hand. “Look, just listen. I don’t want to pretend anymore.” He gently removed the fake ring from her finger, and kept hold of her hand. He then used his teeth to remove his own cheap ring. Finally, still holding hands, he handed hers over, then he lobbed his into the ever-crashing waves. 

Natasha glanced down at their hands and then down at the ring in her hands. “Clint, I don’t want to pretend anymore either. I don’t want to go too far, you know I can’t give you that.” 

Clint grasped her hand tighter. “I’m not asking you for that, Tasha. I just don’t want to pretend that I don’t like you anymore, in that way. We’re both adults here, and I don’t want to make things weird. It’s just, ever since Budapest when we, well you know, I just-”

“Barton. Just stop talking.” Natasha leaned forward and threw her own fake ring into the water. Then she turned to face Barton and grasped his other hand. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long while before Clint moved forward, kissing her for the first time. Her lips felt perfect against his, and in his heart, he knew that his plan had worked all along. A smirk slipped onto his face, and they just stood there in each other’s arms for a long while, making up for all the time that was spent waiting. All the time that was spent pretending they didn’t like each other.

In that moment, they knew they knew they might have pretend to be someone they weren’t everyday just to save the planet, but they would never have to pretend they felt differently about each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
